Love me, but don't hurt me.. Love me for who I am.

Tuesday, October 25, 2005

x X x Glamourous Couple of the Night x X x

x X x (Darlyn) Jayen & Joshua x X x

x X x Ah Hao Nigel Darlyn & Me x X x

x X x The Noisy Group x X x

x X x Wilson Ah Hao Nigel Darlyn Me Joshua & Jessica x X x

x X x Taro & Nigel Me & Joanna x X x

x X x Whole bunch of Drunkards x X x

x X x Taro Joanna Wilson Samuel Me Joanne x X x

x X x Darlyn & My hsemates x X x

x X x Me & Wileen x X x

x X x Jessica & Me x X x

x X x Nicole Jess Me x X x

x X x See how happy we are x X x

x X x Me & Wilson (Hsemate) x X x

x X x Lets see who's better! x X x

x X x Me & Joshua (Hsemate & ex sec-sch mate) x X x

x X x Hug me tight... x X x

x X x (childhood fren) Joanne & Me x X x

x X x Lovely Lovely... x X x

x X x Nicole looks so bubbly! x X x

x X x Me & Angela (best fren) x X x

x X x Darlyn & Me x X x

x X x Under the "fake" moonlight...hehe x X x

x X x Lovely, aren't we? x X x

x X x Oops... Darlyn's tattoo peeking out x X x

Just decided to post up some photos taken on Mambo Nite over here in Australia. Its a clubbing night hosted by the Singapore Club. These were taken some time last semester.

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Just finished re-modifying my blog and removing photos that has a friend inside it. I didn't know that doing up a blog could be so tiring... designing the skin, template, html codings etc.

Anyway, just being bored now as usual. I'm supposed to be revising my Business Law now. But I dont seem to have the mood for it though. But of course, I still have to revise abit lah... haha.
"Cognitive Dissonance" - I'm trying to convince myself that I did revise properly by doing "some revision". I like this word.

Now, I'm going to write down the last few notes for my Business Law before my darlyn comes over! hehe... Just finished putting the titles for all these photos posted above. Tommorow, I would be meeting Angela! So long haven't see her already! Miss Miss... Angela told me she had just redone her blog from scratch again! Omg... haven't seen it yet though. Well, being the perfectionist, it's nothing unusual coming from My Angel-la~ Lolx...

So anything new for today's post? Yup... there sure is.
Today, I just experienced being a "middle-person" for 2 of my friends (a couple).
After classes, I drove home and chatted with Samuel & Michelle for awhile.
Then, Joshua (my hsemate) called me to go to school to accompany him.
So I drove back to Uni thinking that, he wanted to talk to me about something.
In the end, there were a few others there. So I guess he couldn't say anything to me then.
Oh well...

After I came back from the refectory with Pei Juan, Joshua told me that Lawrence called my handphone! Oh dear... I had forgotten to wait for poor "uncle" Lawrence to go back to school with me! Cause' usually on every Tuesday after my class at 12pm, I would drive back to Unilink accomodation first to eat my breakfast &amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp; wait for Lawrence to get ready & I can fetch him to school too. He has classes at 2pm and I have to pick my darlyn up at 2pm because he finishes his class by then.
Haiz.

Since the weather was so freaking hot, I couldnt bear to leave my poor "uncle" Lawrence to walk to school. So I ran to the carpark and drove back to pick him up and send him to school again. On the way, I told him not to tell my darlyn (who is his hsemate), that I went back to fetch him again. Cause' my darlyn might scold me for wasting petrol! hehe... THEN, when we walked back to the Uni building, we saw my darlyn approaching us! My darlyn smiled and said to Lawrence, "Wah! Too hot to walk to school issit??" All of us laughed.

What a day. Never run around here and there so much before.

First time I perspired in the many months that passed.

Guess I would prepare for bed now.

Good nite!

Thinking of him since 1:52 AM

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Tuesday, October 18, 2005

Santa Esmeralda - You are my everything

You are my everything

The sun that shines above you makes the blue bird sing

The stars that twinkle way up in the sky

Tell me I am in love

When I kiss your lips

I feel the rolling thunder thru my fingertips

And all the while my head is in a spin

Deep within

I am in love

You are my everything

And nothing really matters but the love you bring

You are my everything

To see you in the morning in those big brown eyes

You are my everything

Oh ever the day that I need you close to me

You are my everything

You never have to worry

Never fear

For I am near

You are my everything

I live upon the land and see the sky above

I swim within the ocean sweet and warm

There is no storm

My love

You are my everything

No, nothing really matters but the love you bring

You are my everything

To see you in the morning in those big brown eyes

You are my everything

Oh ever the day that I need you close to me

You are my everything

You never have to worry

Never fear

For I am near

When I hold you tight

There is nothing that can harm you in the lonely night

I will come to you and keep you safe and warm

It is so strong

My love

When I kiss your lips

I feel the rolling thunder thru my fingertips

And all the while my head is in a spin

Deep within

I am in love

~Handwritten with love by: Mel

Thinking of him since 3:33 AM

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Sunday, October 16, 2005

Its amazing how you can speak right to my heart.
Without changing the word, u can light up the dark,
try as I may, I can never explain,
what I hear when u dont say a thing.

the smile on your face lets me know that you need me
there's a truth in ur eyes saying u'll ever leave me
and the touch of ur hand,
says, u'll catch me whenever I fall...
u say it best,
when u say nothing at all...

All day long I can hear people talking out loud,
but when u hold me near,
u drown out the crowd,
try as they may, they can never define,
whats been said between ur heart & mine...

the smile on your face lets me know that you need me
there's a truth in ur eyes saying u'll ever leave me
the touch of ur hand,
says, u'll catch me whenever I fall...
u say it best,
when u say nothing at all...

[dedicated & specially hand-written to ~ Jayen]
By: Mel ~ Your Baby

Its amazing how love songs can actually represent how you feel...
How you can use the song to express it to ur loved one... Especially when you feel it from deep down below...
As I listen to this song, typing as fast as I can to pen it down,
I realised how the flow came along without even having to really go back & rewind the song.

After the talk we had today, I realised he did put in the effort to come back early & call me when he went back to Spore for a holiday in June. I realised I had been wrong to be so stubborn when he asked me, "would you do the same for me too?" Just that, he didnt put it in such a nice way... so... I was a little stubborn then.

Now I know that sacrifices are made for each other in Love. No matter how "late" he was in returning home to call me, it was still effort?

Guess I should do some self-reflection then...

But still, I wished he didnt have to say those "sentences of truth" which I think werent true... It could've been said just because I was being stubborn.

Oh well... Which is the truth then?

Is he really affected by me leaving early to Spore or not...

Thinking of him since 8:42 PM

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Thursday, October 13, 2005

Things have changed from the saddest points in my life to the most happiest moments in my life!

1. I talked things out with my friends & have gotten the "hurt-load" off my chest.

Things are turning out for the better it seems and tomoro would be the day for our group presentation! All of us are working happily hand-in-hand for the website & stuff just like we always did. Have seen Joshua's and his team mate's website & it does look professionally done. Furthermore, I heard from Lawrence that Serene's website is looking good as well! Mmm... it seems we have strong competitors! BUT! That gives us more incentive to improve on ours!

2. Yesterday, my dad told me that I am able to go back to Singapore in December for a holiday!

I was so shocked. I jumped around my house like mad, screaming away... (oops!) & my housemates - Joshua and Wilson actually anticipated my sudden outburst of joy, so they werent surprised & joined in the laughter! Notforgetting Joan, who was also there to join in the fun we were having. All of us were laughing like mad sia. Until me and Wilson had to hold one of Joshua's leg & pull him back into the room! Because our floor was carpeted, his butt burned! Hahaha... But anyway, it has been 2 years since I went back to Spore.. Oh my god! I just couldnt believe my ears! Suddenly the whole world lit up on me & NOTHING, absolutely NOTHING could dampen my morale or mood ever since I heard the "magical words" coming from my parents. I'll most probably be flying back to Spore on the 8th of December, which is a Thursday. I'm so so excited & I'll finally be able to see my close friends again. Not forgetting the good food & its about time I "updated" myself on Spore. It seems that Im getting more & more 'sua-gu' (unaware of the new happenings in Spore). Its a good thing Im going back & I definitely have a long list of shopping I wanna do...

3. I got my results for a 30% Organisational Behaviour assignment & achieved a Grade 6!

A Grade 6! A Distinction for my 30% individual assignment which adds up to my final year grading. I was ecstatic! Remarks were all good. I was at the top of the world. Ever heard of that song - Top of the world? "Oh oh oh... top of the world looking.. down on creations & the only explanation I can find... is the world that I've known ever since you've been around, I've been standing at the top of the world..." Such a retro song, says Angela, who's sitting beside me in the University library doing her work & listening to me starting to hum this chorus of the song.

Now, me, my darlyn Jayen, Angela & Lawrence are all sitting in Uni with laptops doing our work. Except for the fact that I've done my part so far, so I've decided to pen down some happy thought of mine! Outside, it is raining so heavily & I seldom see Australia raining! It was quite unexpected. I wonder when is dinner time? "What are we cooking tonite guys??"

Mmm... tomoro would be the last assignment for this year & I would be left with the following 3 weeks to study and revise for my final-year examinations. Aha! But those future endeavours would only be coming up in the next 'blog-thought'!

~Words can say so much but a smile can tell the whole story
( My new quote for 1 of my Gmail addresses: babybabyx@gmail.com )

Thinking of him since 7:05 PM

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Friday, October 07, 2005

x X x Kiss of Love x X x

x X x Hugs from Me to You x X x

x X x Muack x X x

x X x Fairytale Story x X x

x X x Love is in the Air x X x

x X x These are the photos that were edited while he was asleep x X x

I just edited a few photos while he was lying on his bed. When I finished I set the wallpaper to one that I liked. Trying to send a "sign" to tell him that I want US to be like that photograph. I also arranged his desktop icons to form the word - I Love U. Would he realise? I guess he wouldnt... Unless he feels it, then he would understand my "encrpyted message" right infront of him. Then I went to lie beside him.

Just after listening to this song - I cant fight this feeling anymore by Chicago, immediately, I felt like kissing him on his lips. To tell him how much I love him.

But.

With him lying beside me. Body so stiff. So emotionless. I decided I couldnt.

I wanted to ask him a question, "do u still love me?" But after initiating a move by putting my arms around him, he got up and went to the laptop that was playing the next song by Chicago - Wicked Game. Then, he left the room and closed the door behind him. My heart sank. It had a kind of "sour-ish" feeling again. I get this feeling whenever I feel upset or hurt.

After that, I walked out of the house for some fresh air. When I came back into the room, I saw that his laptop wallpaper had changed to one of the photos that I edited. Just to a different one. Probably one that he preferred. I was really happy. Even his Msn Messenger display pic was changed to one of the edited photos i did... Really very happy. But was that his "sign of improvement for me?" I dont know...

I was about to ask him that question. But he left too soon. Now I am listening to - If you leave me now, another song by Chicago. It seems that all the songs are related to my situation and how I feel.. Is our relationship improving or depreciating?

"I cant fight this feeling anymore... Stop playing wicked games with me... and if you leave me now, everything would be gone."

Please stop playing games with my heart. I realised how painful it is for you to treat me like this instead of scolding me straight in the face.

I'm sorry. It's all my fault.

I know I should respect your wishes in "that matter" and I shouldnt show my temper when you're tired.

Please forgive me.

If you continue being like this, I'm afraid I'll just be a zombie too. Just like you are now.

Emotionless.

Loving you from afar...

Thinking of him since 8:32 PM

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Thursday, October 06, 2005

Ever heard of the song Zombie by Cranberries? Well this is exactly how I am feeling right now... today has been such a very HOT day. 41 degrees i heard. Fucking HOT. Makes my morale even lower. Here I am, sitting in Uni with a no-emotion person sitting beside me. Has he lost all feeling or does he know I still exist?

World of my own.

What is he thinking of right now? Are u showing me that you lost interest in our love?

What is SHE thinking of right now? Are u showing that you lost interest in our friendship?
Maybe for her.. I'm just too over-sensitive. Or aren't I?

Mmm...

As summer arrives, seems that the world's becoming increasingly darker and darker for me...
I've got no choice but to keep on moving on... assignments. This coming Saturday would be a friend's birthday. AND the guy beside me would be working till 6pm on Saturday. Should I follow him or should I not? I feel as if we were just lovers by name and strangers by sight. We speak to our friends more than to each other these 2 days. TWO DAYS! mm.. today's the 3rd day anyway. How long will this carry on... Maybe it's all mistake on my part but this is not the way to solve it though... I really wouldn't mind talking about it but it seems that he's numb from it all.

I think I've got a few quotes to describe the feelings & emotions I have right now...

Here they are:-

The Grand essentials of happiness are: something to do, something to love, and something to hope for.

Love does not consist of gazing at each other, but in looking together in the same direction.

Love never dies a natural death. It dies because we don't know how to replenish its source. It dies of blindness and errors and betrayals. It dies of illness and wounds; it dies of weariness, of witherings, of tarnishings.

The sage said, "The best thing is not to hate anyone, only to love. That is the only way out of it. As soon as you have forgiven those whom you hate, you have gotten rid of them. Then you have no reason to hate them; you just forget."

Well well well... I guess my mind's gone blank now. Feeling abit better after typing out my feelings. Although virtually but at least I can carry on doing my assignment now, without the lonesome pain in my heart - at least for now.

Till then.

Love You,

Love Me

Thinking of him since 11:27 PM

2 Comments

HEy, Ada here... juz send u a mail at friendster, g0 check it out s00n... seems lik u've got sum problems wit ur relationship, dun worry t00 much... guess it will b better... kinda miss those sch days wit u... hope to c u bk in s'pore soon... got time rememb to email... take care & stay pretty...

By Anonymous, at Friday, October 07, 2005 3:46:00 PM
Yup.. But some things are better left unsaid. haha.. surprised to see u in my blog! sorry, I seldom check my Friendster accounts now cause I'm quite busy with Uni. Don't worry lah. I'll be coming back to Spore at the end of the year for about 2-3mths. By then, we can meet up ok? Miss ya lots~

By Mel, at Friday, October 07, 2005 4:10:00 PM

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Wednesday, October 05, 2005

These are some photos taken during KLUB KANDY at brisbane in the club "Family". For those who do not know, its an asian party in a 3 level disco in brisbane (Australia) that takes place every Uni holiday. Just decided to post some of my favourite photos out of the 180 that were taken that day (29.09.05). Just thinking about them and the fun times we had that day. Except for the fact that things werent so pleasant for 2 of my friends (a couple). Also, I noticed something strange going on between 2 friends? Mmm... wouldnt wanna talk about it cause' it might just be my over-sensitivity? I guess certain things are better left unsaid to protect myself from "unneccessary attention" :)

Fortunately for me and my dearest, things went through so well for the both of us & I enjoyed the time we spent that night. Miss those days..

P.S The guy wearing the light blue shirt is my ex-secondary schmate from Thomson Secondary School - Joshua Teo. Such a coincidence to meet in Australia? AND... we're housemates now! *he's gonna kill me for writing this!* The guy in the white shirt is also my housemate - Wilson Toh, a cute, caring & friendly guy too!

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Just finished drinking a can of VB beer. Yuck. Hate beer. BUT... it's the only thing that's left in the house for me to drink so that I would sleep better later on. Anyway, I wouldnt be sleeping so early... as usual.

By the way, I decided not to continue taking my Manual driving lessons for a few weeks because I want to practise more in my friend's manual car. Do hope that I would get to see Ah Hao whenever possible so that I can brush-up my manual driving! Once I go back to Singapore at the end of this year, I wanna CONVERT! haha... that'd be another dream fulfilled in life.

These few days, everyone seems to be stressing over their assignments and stuff. Friends are having problems in their love relationships, friends are showing "due-to-stress-attitudes" and as for myself, I am left with 1 assignment and 2 group presentations all due next week! Sian man... hearing a couple of my friends graduating at the end of this year just makes me feel all so lousy.. :(

In addition to all this, I also have to make up to my bf for doing some "lousy stuff" to him yesterday. I do feel sorry and I wanna make up for it but I just dont know how to handle the situations at times.. Now the poor lonely darlyn is downstairs watching dvd alone while I'm here typing away in my blog. (Darlyn, please know that I love you even though I do silly stuff) Guess I just have to relieve some "mental-stress" through blogging since there isnt much of a choice left. Initially, I did want to share my feelings with Angela about certain things but I just couldnt bring myself to... *Sigh* After all, she's always been my closest friend and best confider. And You still are.

No words can describe the feelings I felt today.

Looking back to those memories, I really wanna relive them again.

Thinking of him since 12:46 AM

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