Love me, but don't hurt me.. Love me for who I am.

Wednesday, December 19, 2007

My life during pre-xmas...

Our little outing with the graduates of 2007.

Beef porridge for my 2 lil darlings at home...

Craze in the house!

Our last night spent in Leslie kor's old bedroom at Dumbarton House.

My new body butter - limited edition Rich Plum.

My treasure... including the person in the wallpaper.

A lovely gift from my darling Jess. Strawberry Macademia chocolates!

Having fun in Leslie kor's old bed in his old bedroom. Haha!

Jess sticking her tongue out at me.

Now that's sweet revenge.

OKAY. we're all good now.

Our babies have made out & we have made up.

The mischievous is asleep, finally.

The next morning...before I leave to work & before their flight back to Spore...

Jess & Me with Xiaohei.

Papa Josh & Me with Xiaohei.

Thanks for the memories & Happy graduation!

Same for you too my darling babeee...

Now, what else is missing from my life as Christmas approaches...?

Thinking of him since 12:48 AM

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Wednesday, December 12, 2007

Our 1 month's anniversary 11.12.07

Yesterday was our 1 month's anniversary. It seems like it's been longer than that. Although distant, but still, it feels like we're physically together. Guess it's our love that bonded us so closely together that it doesn't really matter where we are at all. =)

Darling was so sweet! I was playing poker at Josh & Wilson's place with the whole gang and slightly before 12am, he called to surprise me with well wishes of "Happy 1 month's baby! I love you." Awwww... could you find anyone as thoughtful and sweet as that?

Seriously, he really surprises me off-guard & I can proudly say, he's outsmarted me in alot of ways. Probably this time, I've met my match! Hee~ I guess that's what keeps our relationship going with full of life and zest!

Anyway, here are some updates:

Poster pic

In a vest

Inspiration

His new shirt

His brown eyes

I just adore him... so so much. I love you darling.

Thank you for lighting up my life & filling my heart with lots of love.

Thinking of him since 12:26 AM

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Tuesday, December 04, 2007

Congratulations & Celebrations.

Will miss you Jess Jess.

Will miss you Ben, Josh & Leslie.

Will miss you Lena.

Congrats to the Graduants 2007.
I'll definitely be missing you all.
More collages coming up... Now abit tired la.
Wait awhile oK? Abit Lazy now. Haha.

Thinking of him since 1:55 AM

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Saturday, December 01, 2007

How many times How many lies.

The most important and closest person to me lied to me time and time again.
We made a pact to be honest and truthful to each other at all times and in any circumstances.
I thought we were supposed to walk hand in hand through this test of ordeal together?
I've been through too much shit to be calm enough to blog this out in my bourbon-coke stupor.

On the 25th of October, the day of the accident you met with Xiaohei, The first time you lied to me about the bumper that actually dropped when you met with the accident and you claimed you just banged the wall, I forgave you. Despite the fact that I had to find out about the bumper being supported by duct-tape on my own and confront you then you admitted part of the truth to me. You and our other housemate and your boyfriend still collaborated to lie against me regarding the car's actual serious condition and regardless of the fact that I still had to stress about my exams on the way and all. I still tried to cover up for you infront of friends and as well for your sake.

Although I was very upset and disappointed, I still kept my calm and tried comforting you to say that everything is okay. That pretty much proves that I am able to take it calmly even though you know how much I love Xiaohei. That does not give you any more "reason at that point in time" to lie to me even more right? Who is being dishonest here now? It is no excuse to say that I love my car so much and therefore, you keep such serious and inevitable issues from me. The consequences? I find out not from YOU, but from the Brisbane City Council?
All that you did are getting out of hand and it is ambiguous to me, whether you still treat me as your bestie girlfriend, or should I say best friend? Or how about some consolation that I'm your Housemate at least?

Never mind, the second time, I compromised (even though I had every right to demand full compensation) on going for a cheaper option for the car repair costs so as to save you some money. But you abused that and now it seems that certain parts of it are not perfect and I have no choice but to tell you that, I have to put Xiaohei back to its original state. Not by choice.

The third time is when I received a shocking and disturbing insurance letter from Brisbane City Council claiming damages from my car regarding an accident that happened on the same day you drove it. I still thought it was some error! I chose to believe it wasn't you!
I TRUSTED you and so stupidly CHOSE to believe that you hit my car against the wall as you always firmly claimed. A story you painted so perfectly for me to hear. Not only to me, but to our friends as well. When I called you to question and ask you for the truth, you denied. The second time Wilson questioned you, you denied again, firmly insisting that you did not engage in an accident with another vehicle. The third time, I had to find out from my parents that you actually drove past the give way sign and hit a BUS!? And you actually told them its because you know I love my car so much that's why you didn't tell me the truth? Do you realise that if you know I love my car, you should tell me the whole truth so I can restore my car back to new without going through "surprises" that you hid from me? Everyday I'm shocked and surprised with new lies that you kept from me that fortunately led me to finding out about more and more of the uncovered truth about this whole car accident. Do you know how serious the consequences are? SERIOUSLY are you out of your mind? You still can tell me, you still had your reasons? Please wake up. This time, I cannot just forgive you just like this. You know how much shit I went through because you "felt that you had your reasons at that time"? Because of your actions, I got fucked by my parents and was accused of being in an accident without telling them, and they even demanded an explanation, asking if I am lying to them? This whole thing wasn't even my fault to begin with. Yes, It's my deepest regret to have let you drive my car alone considering you just passed your license AND that you still lack alot of driving experience. YET, I still chose to TRUST your words. So I'm taking all the shit now huh. Right. Put that aside, not only you didnt call me to explain to me, you had no sense of urgency to even want to find out more from me, how I feel or even apologise to me personally on the phone. Instead, you went behind my back and tried to manipulate my dad, knowing he's a softie at heart, asking him to help you by using my insurance to cover for the damages and costs you incurred to the BUS you knocked? Now my mum is taking the rap for you, do you know? So now you can pay the cheaper way out and WE suffer the insurance liabilities later on. Do you know that sometimes, life isn't just a piece of cake? Instead of showing me how apologetic and repentful you are, you even asked my dad for help in claiming against MY insurance. I can't believe itttttttttttt.

To sum the previous paragraph up, you lied to me, you lied to my parents and you lied to our friends. Not even including your parents yet.

Let me tell you the outcome of your actions:
(1) Because you didnt wanna pay the excess AUD$1000+ for the damages you caused to the bus, my dad is using my mum's name to cover your ass. So now, you only need to pay me AUD$350/-

(2) This is the chance you used up for my mum. Because she has a clean record, she is allowed one chance to be let off on the increase in our insurance premium, the next time IF we get into an accident, our premium would soar sky high. No more second chance for us.

(3) I got fucked everyday for causing so much problems to my parents and all the friends around me who helped fetched me here and there due to the loss of use of my car.

(4) I had to lose one day's pay of work because I had to settle the car insurance thing as it came as a shock to me and on top of that, you LIED to me and that was why I had to take the day off and investigate it

(5) I am going through depression, loss of sleep and everyone here is pissed as well.

(6) Lastly, I still have to send in my car again for another further repair of the imperfect outcomes of the car which will cost you another bomb. And trouble my friends again.

If you think money can settle everything (which you can), the problem here is that, you not only tried to seek cheaper options through despicable means (by claiming against insurance and using my mum's name and ONLY chance of being let off the first time in an accident in future), you created a black mark for us in our record.

Now it's all good for you right. Just pay up AUD$350 and I have been and ALWAYS will be suffering the rest of the damages you left behind.

The sms-ed apology was not even a sincere apology when you included the 'BUT you had your reasons etc and you are more than that".

I hope you realise the deep shit I'm going through and the amount of stress and trouble you caused to me, my parents and our friends. One thing ALWAYS leads to another. And I believe you're smart enough to know that. Sometimes it's not about what you think is right at that point in time, BUT its the character in you and HOW responsible you are AND if you could be smart enough to think of the CONSEQUENCES occuring to the people around you when all you need to do is just wait for our updates. Even for a movie to be successful, behind the scenes are always alot of people supporting and putting in hell alot of effort in orderfor it to be successful. It's not just about YOU and ME this time. It involves the whole world now. And you said, you're the world. Now the World is against you. Believe it or not.

I can't help myself and I have helped you to the maximum of my abilities.

This time, I hope you can sleep on your pillow and think about it very very carefully.
You need to re-assess your behaviour, your actions and your verbal language.

In general, it's your character.
Sometimes, you need to lose your pride & remember in life, you are not always right.
If you think im unreasonable in saying all this, I think you really need some self-reflection.

I have nothing left to say unless you do, cos' I have not received any phone call from you.
Talking about worried-ness and sense of urgency? I don't see it now when its about YOU.

Side you also wrong, don't side you also wrong.
You tell me what to do now?
I'm in a total loss and dilemma now.

Torn between you and my moral values.
Tough choice isn't it?

You seriously don't know what you've been putting me through (and adding onto it did not help AT ALL) because no words would be able to articulate my thoughts, feelings & the mental trauma that I'm experiencing right now and for the rest of my holidays...

Utterly disappointed in the person I loved most.
other than my boyfriend whom I love so dearly.

Thinking of him since 2:22 AM

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