Love me, but don't hurt me.. Love me for who I am.

Monday, July 31, 2006

Fading like a flower...

Right now... I'm talking to her on msn.

But why do I keep having to swallow back my tears...?

I thought we were just good friends?

Or have we gotten to the stage where I would shed tears for her?

Deep down inside, there's a pain in my heart...

Does she feel it too?

I just lost my car today. 3 hours ago. All the lovely memories goes with it...

Now, if I had the car, I would drive all the way up just to see her smile.

or even if its just to give her a hug.

Till the new car comes... I'll just be stranded on an 'Island of Misery'.

-----

Yesterday when I woke up late... the person whom I thought was most closest to me, rather apologise to someone new and even promised her hugs later on when she's back.

Today, after my parents left with the car... I told him about my worries.
I didnt need him to solve the problem for me. But just for him to hear me out.
All he told me was, "you got yourself into this sh*t, you clear it up yourself."
All I wanted was just the usual comforting words from him. But that was what I got...
So I replied, "well said".
Thereafter, he gave someone else a good night hug, excluding me.
And I went home. demoralised the second time.

"I'm glad that you're happy with your new found princess too."

I'm your princess no more.

Left all alone - buried with pain & worries with no one to tell to.

-----

Tomorrow, it'd be my first step as a normal 'civilian'.

I'll be walking to uni for the first time.

without you.

Thinking of him since 12:02 AM

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Saturday, July 29, 2006

My first self-organised 3-in-1 outing for the semester!

To start it off. How did I come up with this idea?

Well.. There wasn't anything to do - totally bored. So I thought I'd organise a gathering for everyone to just meet, chill out & relax! Thankfully, everyone was practically free. Of course, this is just the start of the semester.

Never expected so many people to turn up at the outing today!

It was supposed to be a dinner at sunnybank + movie + coffee at milton outing.

Turned out to be a dinner at sunnybank + playing of pool & billiard + coffee at milton outing.

Here's how some of the pool events went...

I like that pose. *Grinz*

Wilson always looking good as usual!

Looks like a true-born professional huh?

Now, let's see who turned up & who didnt...!

- Firstly, I did want to call a friend along.. but because of the current situation, I couldnt... *sigh*

- Nicole couldnt make it in the end because of her parents.

- William had to rush to an urgent meeting at the last minute.

- Emmanuel agreed to come but didnt pick up his hp. (steady ur head ah!) :P

- Quentin, Marcus & Chris couldnt make it for the dinner but tried contacting me after that and I obviously didnt hear my hp ring and so... they went to play mahjong! *sigh*

- Leslie, Zailiang and the rest couldnt make it for the dinner but came for the coffee at milton.

Spot the difference. (Hehehe...)

He suffered alot (in the cold) for the 2nd picture - to look good. heh heh...

But he definitely looks alot more charming now..
With the new coloured hair that matches his tanned skin & all... *lol*
Btw... thanks for the treat yah! Next time treat u back!

- Leslie's and Zailiang's brought a few of their friends along too (nice people they are!)

- Uncle Lawrence is finally back with us too! Missed him soo much!

- Taro & Esther definitely comes with us!

Just that... Esther's bf was providing massaging services for people... and one of them was...

Wilson. "Hmmm..." He looks constipated.

- Jonathan (Pork) brought his cousin, Aison Tan along with him too. Haha... Aison Tan. *wink*

- Guess who we saw at Milton too? Wileen & Edwin!!

- Not forgetting some other familiar faces too. (forgotten their names though! -_-")

- Papa Josh went to pick Ashley and her gf up from their place to where we were at Milton.

- Of course, whereever we go, Pimp daddy always "pops" around too right? =P

This was the picture we actually wanted... (=_=)

- This includes the Unilink-ers & Cumquat-ers: Pei Juan, Shaun, Jeanette, Johan & Shun Jie.

The Group Shot for the guys.

On the way back home...

This is what happens when there's 2 mad girls & a sleepy driver.

The fun begins...

Guess duckie & elmo found their "nesting ground" on Papa Josh's head. *giggles*

And... the rest wants to join in as well! :P

Sometimes I really wonder... is Papa Josh awake or asleep when he's driving my car? *Hmmz*

The partners in crime.

I was talking abt Elmo & Cookie monster though. heh heh.

"ciao for now~!"

Loving my new 'glowing' dices~*

Special thanks to Shaun for the lovely 21st bdae gift! (all the way from Spore!) :P

Cant wait for the Dance Party @ Family on Thursday (3rd August 2006) to arrive!!!

Thinking of him since 4:46 AM

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Friday, July 28, 2006

Thinking back on the good old times...

Looking back on the memories we had...

the favourite photo we both loved...

the holiday you spent together with me... & u're the first friend to.

Not forgetting the precious memories we spent in my car...

Well girl...

My heart is just like a fresh bouquet of tulips...

Treat it with care & it'd flower beautifully for you...

Forgetting about it for just one day would be enough for it to wither & fade away.

I miss you too.

Thinking of him since 3:29 AM

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Thursday, July 27, 2006

The new semester has started.

Mmm... for this semester, I would be taking:

- Accounting for decision making (ACCT1101)
- Social and Non-profit marketing (MKTG2507)
- Communication networks (COMU3004)
- Working in Teams (MGTS3611)

Sigh... clearing all my core courses first before I start doing my electives I guess. Boring.

I need a tuition teacher for Accounting - anyone available? A candy for any volunteer! =P

Now I'm trying to repair the wireless connection on my laptop so that I'm able to use internet through wireless. My laptop is OLD. So please spare the criticisms guys... I WILL get a new laptop soon.

That'd be the - Sony VAIO®

Lemme introduce a couple of the VAIO's I'm targeting at...

VGNFJ68GP VAIO 14.1"
SMALL BUSINESS NOTEBOOK
$1,999.00 AUD inc. GST

OR...

the NEW Sony VAIO® VGN-AR170 Series.
$1729.99 AUD
17" display with standard Microsoft® Windows® XP, Intel® Centrino® Duo mobile technology

Lovely isnt it?

Till it comes, my days living without wireless would be miserable.

-----

Disappointment is all I can say in a good friend of mine.

I thought I could trust a friend.
Helped her & put my friendship at risk.
But alas, the promises given were broken.
Therefore, the trust has shattered...

From now on, I'll just have to go back to being self-interested - Adam Smith.
Which means, putting my self-interests in first priority.
It seems that everytime I put others into consideration, not only does it not benefit me, but it puts me in a very difficult spot too...

As pimp daddy said, "never trust anyone and you should think for yourself first before thinking for others".

Yup... It'd be hard cause it's not ME to be so self-interested.
But if I dont, I'll just get myself into alot more deeper sh*t...

Not angry or anything like that... But just plain disappointed cause I guess she doesnt even know or realise what consequences her friend could go through because of her rash actions.

Enough of tears & all...

But its all good. I'm washing my hands off everything from now on.
Cause thankfully, that someone whom I should have been loyal to, has given me another chance to prove to him that I can be his little princess and not lose his trust in me once more.

Losing more & more friends whom I can trust is very disheartening.. Sigh.
Whom can I trust? Possibly... a few.

Namely... Myself.

Thinking of him since 8:10 PM

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Thursday, July 20, 2006

Its been 5 months since I've last posted a blog.

I told myself, there wasn't anything happy to write about anymore since my loved one is not with me. Therefore, I just stopped posting completely.

It's only now that I've recovered a little that made me come to realise that even if he's not with me anymore, I still can continue talking about my life, its ups and downs, and share it with him indirectly still.

Hopefully he's smart enough to remember I still have a blog, which I created when we were together. To blog about our life. 5 months ago, this blog was for me to blog whenever I'm upset with him. Afterwhich, he would automatically go to my blog to find out what's wrong with me...

From now on, it shall only be my own.

-----

Here I am, in my Indooroopilly house. Well.. I'm supposed to be studying for my supplementary exam now. But here I am, typing away because I cant concentrate. Distractions is the word to articulate my thoughts in summary.

My mind is full of worries and procrastinations.

Firstly, my uni courses.
Waiting for the grading of my supp paper to determine whether I can take courses in St Lucia is definitely not funny.

Secondly, my job at Vodafone Brisbane International Airport.
Dad isnt happy with the unearthly shift hours, so it's gone. Now, I'm just waiting for the Myer job to work as a cosmetician. Or maybe even in Louis Vuitton or the upcoming boutique at GUCCI?

Thirdly, whether I should shift into:
Campus Street, Indooroopilly OR continue staying at Unilink Village?
This is the biggest worry. Now I'm just letting my supp paper decide for me. Currently, 2 of my core courses I'm taking in Ipswich. If I can pass the supp paper, I'll take the other 2 courses in St Lucia and shift into indooroopilly for the rest of this semester. If I dont, I'll take the other 2 courses in Ipswich and move over to stay with Joshua & Wilson again. But underneath all this, there's more to it than meets the eye.

I told everyone that I wanted to be a city girl. "I want to move to the city!" was what I said. Now I own both houses at Indooroopilly & Unilink Village. I just have to make up my mind about where do I really want to stay at? Or should I say, more feasible for me to stay at? Now, I have the chance to stay in the city. Then what's holding me back? Is it because I feel that all my memories are back in Unilink? Or is it because I cant bear to leave Papa Josh, Pimp daddy Wilson & the rest? Or is it just me trying to avoid seeing HIM? (because HE lives in indooroopilly too). I'm so confused. But. I have to make up my mind and make my own decisions. Cause that's what HE would have told me if I were to ask him the same question. "Baby-si, you're a big girl now. You must learn to make decisions on your own and not always rely on Darlyn-si to make them for you ok?" I said, "ok, I'll try".

But, I have to admit that, if we were still together, I would not even hesitate to move into Indooroopilly even if all 4 of my courses had to be in Ipswich. Silly me again...

Lastly, another thing that's affecting my decision is also my personal promises with Jess Jess... We've made promises to each other that we'll do together after I move into Indooroopilly. That is also something that I'll wish to fulfill to her. I hope she'll realise how much I care for her. Because, I don't want her to misunderstand that I do not bother about her feelings nor do I want her to think that I dont care about her after today's happening. Deep down inside, I want her to know, from the bottom of my heart, that she's part of the reason why I was also put in a dilemma, because I really put our promises into consideration. That is why I am afraid to hurt her feelings... Babe, you're always in my heart. That's why I didnt think for your feelings... I'm sorry ok? *hugz*

Last but not least of my worries, my car.
Dad wants me to sell off my current car because it has started to give us problems and he wants to get me a new one instead. Which means, during the period of getting another new car, I would have no transport. Given myself being called "the princess", I know life would be hard on me without a car for a period of time because I have to travel between Ipswich Campus and St Lucia Campus for my uni classes all the time. Also, my future job in Brisbane city. Argh... I will miss my car & all the times me and HIM spent together in it. Not forgetting, I miss his car too.

But it has to go. Memories with it will always stay with me...

Now back to my studying... (while thinking of him)
and the exam is tomorrow.

Thinking of him since 9:49 PM

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