Monday, February 06, 2006

Didnt really have the time to post blogs in Singapore because I didnt have internet connection at home and I only could tap on other people's wireless connection! Guess I had too much activity outside and had no time to even think of posting.

Well, here I am. Back in the boring Kingdom of Aussie-land.

Why am I back here?
1. Because of my boyfriend
- he didnt like the idea of me being in Singapore after my parents are flying back here.

2. Because of my new car
- dad bought me a new car for my 21st bdae in advance, it wouldnt be good to disappoint him.

3. To prove to my boyfriend that I can leave all my spore frens because of him.

Now I know the feeling of him waiting for my call, waiting for me to come online everyday, while he was alone working at Australia in December. He has did so much for me, he told me he has done so many things for me to show that he loves me. Even more than what he does for any of his ex-gf's... Now is my turn to show him how much I love him. By showing through action. Cause only action would justify my words - I love him. I will never give up. Cause we still stand a chance to rekindle our love.

Cause I know for one thing, is that if you love someone, there isnt a 'how many times u've tried or how many times u have given in, if you love someone, u'll just keep on trying & trying...' Why? because u wanna be with him or her and u want him or her to be with u for the rest of ur life... I have told him this before and he knows it.

Sometimes I find that humans are very "jian". Not until they've lost it, would they realise that they should have cherished it at the start.

Now we are both having a 'cooling off period' and we'll see how it goes when he comes back to Australia. A sad thing is, he seems to be deeply hurt by me. So I guess it would quite some time for him to accept our love once more... I can tell he still has feelings & love for me. But it has depreciated ever since that day I disappointed him by not listening to him. He had wanted to spend the new year countdown with me, chatting with me on the phone. But I chose to celebrate it with my friends... *sigh* why was I so stupid? To leave him all alone... Why didnt I know my top most priority? He's my boyfriend.

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Anyway, I used my own money to buy him a birthday present - a LV (Louis-vuitton) wallet. Because I know that new year must carry new stuff. And its a new beginning. He shouldnt keep old stuff and I dont like him using GUCCI. I like LV. I passed the present to him after meeting him up one night. We also had a long chat at my house. *sigh...* I wouldnt elaborate on this story.

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There was even an occasion at Double-o, I was actually holding a farewell party there. My friend suddenly ran over to tell me that he saw my boyfriend outside the queue going in already! I asked him, how did he know? He said he recognised him through the picture in my hp. Immediately, I ran outside double-o to look for him, but I couldnt find him. So I remembered that my boyfriend once told me that he used to frequent old-bar. So I went inside old-bar and walked around the whole damn place just to look for him. But to no avail, I still couldnt find him.. it was so frustrating...

Finally, I went back upstairs to join my friends and tell them I couldnt find him. I asked my friend if he saw him walking inside our section. He said, no. But I didnt want to give up. I wanted to see my boyfriend so so badly... So I tried walking towards the end of double-o, towards the end of the bar counter. And... I saw him standing right before me. I was too shocked for words that I just stared at him... He suddenly stared back at me too. I think he was equally as shocked. Our night started from here. We started chatting & I introduced my god-sis Linda to him. Throughout the whole night, I didnt go back to my friends cause I stayed with him and his friends. I only knew recognised one of his friends Deyi. He kept asking us to drink! I was thinking to myself, so.. this is what he has been doing without me around... To cut the story short, after that my bf went to sit down on the couch. So I went to sit beside him. All the while, all I just wanted to do was to look at him and hold on to his once-loving hands... I looked into his red-eyes (due to drinking too much, as usual) and saw how upset they were... I know he would rather not see me, cause seeing me would mean causing him to be upset again... During our conversation, he started scolding me. I wouldnt go into detail. Then I cried... I couldnt control myself any longer. His friend, Deyi was dead drunk and my bf wanted to send me home. So after some time of waiting, my bf asked me to follow him to the toilet then we can leave. So we all followed him to the toilet. I had to wait in a very very long queue to get my handbag & shopping bags. When my bf came out of the toilet, he couldnt find me. So he called my hp and asked where was I. I told him I was queuing for my bags. Then he came to find me and queued with me... See how sweet he was... *sigh* After some time, the manager (whom I knew) came over and asked me if I was queuing for my bags, I said yes, and he asked me to follow him. Then I was allowed the priority to take my bags first! haha... I thanked him and me and my bf left double-o. The reason why my bf initiated sending me home was because 1 of them (Patrick) got angry and upset at me for clinging on the my bf and not accompanying them. Linda understood what was going on, so she helped me entertain my friends. The rest of them left for home.

Then, after my bf made sure that Deyi was fine to go home himself, he asked me to follow him to one corner to have a talk. While having our talk, my friend who was angry at me (Patrick) kept sms-ing me angry words... saying that I shouldnt keep begging for my bf, said he was disappointed in me etc etc. Then my bf snatched my hp to see who was sms-ing me and read all the msgs he had sent. Immediately he got uptight and angry that my guy friend is sending these kind of msgs to me. He thinks that my guy friend isnt in any position to interfere in our relationship. So he called back my guy friend and fucked him... I could hear that they were quarrelling and fighting with words with each other. I was just helpless... They even wanted to engage in a fight. I quickly tried to stop my bf... and tried calming him down... and the best way was to let him let out all his anger. In the end, they both engaged in nasty sms-es. But luckily my guy friend stopped. So after another long talk, my bf decided to send me home. At the entrance of my condo, I insisted that he walk me in and send me all the way up to the doorstep. cause I dreaded walking past the swimming pool alone and go up the lonely lift... Also, I wanted to see him longer. So he asked the cab to wait for him and he sent me all the way up. In the lift, I gave him a very long hug & kissed him on his neck. I miss his smell... I smelt it all the way... Then we waved good-bye...

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On the day before I left to Australia, all our Australia friends called me to go to MOS (Ministry of Sound) for a gathering and to party before I leave. But my bf said he couldnt go. And all the while, he was just nearby at Club St! *sigh* Anyway, I had bought him 2 shirts (one was a red fcuk shirt and the other was a white von dutch shirt) and being a christian, I still went all the way to loyang to queue TWO times (despite all the smoke, squeezing and crowd) to get a gold coin for him. I heard it was a coin to put in ur wallet for luck, prosperity & fortune. I also bought another type of coin for him which has red strings hanging from it... it also has meanings as well. All these I brought with me to MOS and passed them to him after I finished. He walked over to look for me. All our friends saw him and went to talk to him for awhile. Then I showed him what I got for him and told him what the coins were for and to put the coins into the LV wallet I gave him. Then he said he had to leave with his friends already cause all his friends were looking at us... So I gave him a long long hug and he hugged me back too. Then I kissed him one last kiss before he left with his friends... While I saw him walk away, I just broke down in tears... Luckily, I had my lovely friends (Patricia and the rest) to comfort me. All of them knew what was happening between us. In the end, they all brought me for supper and I had a long chat with Shou Yat, who actually had the same relationship encounters as me.

So this is all the memories I have left of my bf. Until he comes back to Australia. I hope that he can see how much I'm changing because of him. Anyway, I'm going to look for a job soon. To occupy my time and save up some money. I just wish for him to be happy. So in the meantime, he should deserve his time with his spore frens... When he's back, then would we look into our relationship again...

I love u darlyn.

In this world, there is no place I'd rather be.. U are my life, my soul, my man. And through it all... I know u'll come to see that u're the one, till the end.

Thinking of him since 5:46 PM

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