Thursday, July 20, 2006

Its been 5 months since I've last posted a blog.

I told myself, there wasn't anything happy to write about anymore since my loved one is not with me. Therefore, I just stopped posting completely.

It's only now that I've recovered a little that made me come to realise that even if he's not with me anymore, I still can continue talking about my life, its ups and downs, and share it with him indirectly still.

Hopefully he's smart enough to remember I still have a blog, which I created when we were together. To blog about our life. 5 months ago, this blog was for me to blog whenever I'm upset with him. Afterwhich, he would automatically go to my blog to find out what's wrong with me...

From now on, it shall only be my own.

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Here I am, in my Indooroopilly house. Well.. I'm supposed to be studying for my supplementary exam now. But here I am, typing away because I cant concentrate. Distractions is the word to articulate my thoughts in summary.

My mind is full of worries and procrastinations.

Firstly, my uni courses.
Waiting for the grading of my supp paper to determine whether I can take courses in St Lucia is definitely not funny.

Secondly, my job at Vodafone Brisbane International Airport.
Dad isnt happy with the unearthly shift hours, so it's gone. Now, I'm just waiting for the Myer job to work as a cosmetician. Or maybe even in Louis Vuitton or the upcoming boutique at GUCCI?

Thirdly, whether I should shift into:
Campus Street, Indooroopilly OR continue staying at Unilink Village?
This is the biggest worry. Now I'm just letting my supp paper decide for me. Currently, 2 of my core courses I'm taking in Ipswich. If I can pass the supp paper, I'll take the other 2 courses in St Lucia and shift into indooroopilly for the rest of this semester. If I dont, I'll take the other 2 courses in Ipswich and move over to stay with Joshua & Wilson again. But underneath all this, there's more to it than meets the eye.

I told everyone that I wanted to be a city girl. "I want to move to the city!" was what I said. Now I own both houses at Indooroopilly & Unilink Village. I just have to make up my mind about where do I really want to stay at? Or should I say, more feasible for me to stay at? Now, I have the chance to stay in the city. Then what's holding me back? Is it because I feel that all my memories are back in Unilink? Or is it because I cant bear to leave Papa Josh, Pimp daddy Wilson & the rest? Or is it just me trying to avoid seeing HIM? (because HE lives in indooroopilly too). I'm so confused. But. I have to make up my mind and make my own decisions. Cause that's what HE would have told me if I were to ask him the same question. "Baby-si, you're a big girl now. You must learn to make decisions on your own and not always rely on Darlyn-si to make them for you ok?" I said, "ok, I'll try".

But, I have to admit that, if we were still together, I would not even hesitate to move into Indooroopilly even if all 4 of my courses had to be in Ipswich. Silly me again...

Lastly, another thing that's affecting my decision is also my personal promises with Jess Jess... We've made promises to each other that we'll do together after I move into Indooroopilly. That is also something that I'll wish to fulfill to her. I hope she'll realise how much I care for her. Because, I don't want her to misunderstand that I do not bother about her feelings nor do I want her to think that I dont care about her after today's happening. Deep down inside, I want her to know, from the bottom of my heart, that she's part of the reason why I was also put in a dilemma, because I really put our promises into consideration. That is why I am afraid to hurt her feelings... Babe, you're always in my heart. That's why I didnt think for your feelings... I'm sorry ok? *hugz*

Last but not least of my worries, my car.
Dad wants me to sell off my current car because it has started to give us problems and he wants to get me a new one instead. Which means, during the period of getting another new car, I would have no transport. Given myself being called "the princess", I know life would be hard on me without a car for a period of time because I have to travel between Ipswich Campus and St Lucia Campus for my uni classes all the time. Also, my future job in Brisbane city. Argh... I will miss my car & all the times me and HIM spent together in it. Not forgetting, I miss his car too.

But it has to go. Memories with it will always stay with me...

Now back to my studying... (while thinking of him)
and the exam is tomorrow.

Thinking of him since 9:49 PM

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