i'm glad to have been the one putting the first smile on your face, ever since the day you left brisbane, cos' that was the last smile i saw till the day you left melbourne.
i thanked God that we arrived there safe & sound. a risky accomplishment for me, an attraction to show off to your friends, for you.
i'm glad to have been the photographer for the day, taking priceless pictures of you. Just to see you happy just for even 1 day, you know i did it just for you & you alone, in exclusion of all others.
but i'm heartbroken to say that, this shall be the last time you kiss xiaohei.

cos' it's time for me to say goodbye.

I never knew the day had to come when I would have to post the first post about you in my outdated blog, yet being the worst one of all. Well, it shall be the last.

From the first time that I met you till today, I knew how you were like as a person instantaneously. But I still chose to try to change you into a better person, a more mature person, a more independent person, more intellectual in terms of actions & thinking capacity and more of a woman, than a little girl. I believed in you. I had hopes for you. I trusted in you. You knew I did all along. Then, the time came when I made the wrong move.

To bring you to Brisbane with me, to meet my growing circle of university friends who I hoped, with more social conversations would, enlighten that brain of yours, eventually.
I realised that I was wrong. so so wrong.

To cut the long, no sorry let me correct that, to cut the neverending story short, I wasted 1.5 years of You & Eric's never-to-be one-way love story, You & David's 0.5 years impossible one-way love story & now, you're telling me you wanna get start an unnecessary love story by getting yourself involved with Josh, the all-time famous one who is a confused individual himself? (sorry josh, being very tactful already.) MOREover, you know that you'll go back to Mr ASSHOLE Eric Low when he decides to have more fun with you again.

To Josh: if you wanna carry on not listening to me beforehand, these are the consequences you'll have to bear on your shoulders for a long long time.
1) why the hell you chose not to listen time and time again (the land before time when Josh & Jess were an item and our friendships were put on the stake, do you remember that? Yes, I believe you will for the rest of your life.)
2) Now AGAIN JOSH, your biggest flaw josh, was to carry out the same old bad habits in you unto others. (I do not need to elaborate on that I suppose?) The Law says, if you do not provoke someone, the other party will not reciprocate by offending you. So if both of you end up in court, the ultimate criminal would be you, because you lifted the first finger. You caused this to happen. The same applies in this situation. If you didn't try to create "sparks" between you and my little girl, would she have confused it for a replacement of lost love subconsciously? Now again Josh, I have to end and destroy this precious relationship that I have with my loved one, with my own hands, because of you. Do things never, ever think THRICE. Twice is not enough for you. How many more relationships do you want to destroy for me? Isn't it enough ruining it for yourself? If you're not sick of it Josh, I am telling you now that I AM VERY SICK OF IT.

To the little girl: I heard that you are blaming me for something that I'm not even aware of.
This is the biggest joke that I've ever heard in my life.
Ahhh.. I get it. It's probably for not letting you & josh's love story happen.

Are you kidding me or have you mistaken the blame & anger you've unleashed onto me, for yourself? We do not need to know the answer because we are smarter than a sixth grader.

It's funny how you can badmouth about Josh to all my friends about him, ask my friends all about his relevant information & broadcast to them AND ME, how it's impossiblely atrociously ridiculous for you to be with Josh. My toes are laughing. Are yours too? And, your "dream". Yes, I remember the night before you let me in on the atrociously ridiculous truth, you told me that you dreamt that you and josh went on a holiday and I couldn't find you online for days so I decided to call you up and check on you. To my horror, you were with josh and I flew back to Singapore first thing (which in real life, I'm not as dumb to do) to sever all ties with you. Isn't this a dream come true for you? Or rather, was this "dream" just a test to see how my reaction would be like anticipating what the future beholds for you. You told me that I meant alot to you and that you couldn't afford to lose me. Obviously, time does tell. And, time has spat at me in the face, telling me that, I am obviously not as important to you as compared to the men in your life. Well done. Like I said and I'm not afraid to say this again, this relationship would not work if Josh is going to try something funny along the way, and if you are going back to Mr Asshole Eric if he decides to have more fun with you again in 3-6 months time, AND if your heart obviously still belongs to other men. Subconsciously, if you still do not realise, you are using josh to replace the lost feeling you have inside you & I think that this is very unfair both for him & yourself. You are in the loop, you can't see it the way we ALL do. Why do you have to chose men who either do not love you, or those who are not for you? You talk about feelings? What feelings are you talking about? When you, yourself is unsure about the whole love dating game. You are still very VERY immature & childish in terms of not only thinking, but thru' the way you speak, your actions AND most importantly, in relationships.

"Self-reflection is much needed."

For my dearest friends, I know you all agree with me because I've received the same feedback from every single one of you. Thank you for letting me know that I'm in the right state of mind by saying & doing this. Thank you all for giving me the face by befriending her and for putting up with her on my account all this while. I know she has been stepping on all your nerves in regards to her "how I miss Eric stories" & "how I kissed David & his cheeks are so soft stories". Please forgive her immatureness giving consideration to her level of intellectual capacity & extremely amazing long-winded-nism. As much as you all have gone through this many times, imagine how many times I have had to listen to the same old stories each & every time she meets any of you or someone new? Countless. From today onwards, you have to put up with her no more. I'm holding up the BIG white flag. I'm getting too old for these kinda things. As I age, I mature, I grow. I make mistakes, I learn & repent. I don't bring myself down, make myself miserable & depress myself & irritate the ppl around me with my never-to-be fairytale love stories.

You tell me lah? Which guy in the right state of mind would regret not being with you? Given your current mentality & childish actions, if I'm that guy, I'll probably be scared of you, run away, or even play with you if I'm an asshole. I am so glad my Homie David wasn't an asshole to play you out and was kind enough to reject you tactfully and also, not leading you on by bridging a distance from you. Thanks for going through all you did on account of me Homz. I'm sorry to have made you dance with her, let her get upclose with you & do all the other things that she requested for that I won't mention. Back to what I was saying, all this would just ascertain me even more that I made the right decision in not being with you if I was a guy. A good phrase to describe this scenario would be, "heng ah... if be with her I jialat liao". You told me that how you wished that Eric would be like Andrew and regret not cherishing me when he had me. I would not elaborate on this as he has finally realised his mistakes. If you can move on, lead a better life even without him and show him that life is still beautiful even without him, if you can self-improve and be a better person, not for him but for yourself, you probably would see Mr Asshole Eric crawling back to you by now. What have you shown him? Nuff' said.

PLEASE stop going around to all my brisbane mates telling them how miserable you are, or try to extort irrelevant information from them regarding someone else, or rant the whole day about YOU, YOURSELF AND YOU when the day is supposed to be spent with them. Your msn nick says, "the world doesnt revolve around you and you only." PLEASE, for goodness sake, take back your own words and eat it up. Cos' whenever you go out with my friends, when people talk about themselves or about anything other than you, your mind tends to wonder somewhere to neverneverland and it's so obvious to them that you're disinterested in whatever that they're saying, however, you expect everyone's attention when it comes to talking about you and your all-time favourite neverending never-to-be same OLD love stories. Everyone has to listen to you, hear you out, comfort you even though they know so well that no matter how much they say, it'd never gonna get into you and it's a bloody waste of their time.

By the way, when I dare to say this out, it means I've got hard facts to back me up.

BECAUSE OF YOU. I WAS WORRIED, I MSNED YOU, YOU WENT OFFLINE.
I CALLED YOU THREE BLOODY F-ING TIMES, YOU HUNG UP ON ME THREE BLOODY TIMES. WELL DONE, SERIOUSLY. I SALUTE TO YOU. JUST TO LET YOU KNOW, I NEVER HANG UP ON THE PEOPLE I LOVE. ESP THOSE WHO CARE FOR ME MOST. I DIDNT LISTEN WHEN PEOPLE TOLD ME TO GIVE UP ON YOU, NOW LISTEN UP CAREFULLY. IT WAS NOT ME WHO GAVE UP ON YOU, YOU GAVE UP ON YOURSELF AND YOU IGNORED A HAND WHO WAS TRYING TO REACH TO YOU WHEN YOUR OWN WAVE THREATENED.

GOD HELPS THOSE WHO HELPS THEMSELVES.

A few last words for you before I pen off.
adapted from the reality of you.

Please remember that Love is not to be used as a substitute for human companionship.

Absence will make your loved one appreciate you even more.

A woman how pretty, without character is nothing but empty.

There comes a point in your life when you realize who matters, who never did, who won’t anymore, and who always will. So why worry about people from your past, there’s a reason why they didn’t make it to your future!

Life consists not in holding good cards but in playing those you hold well.

We make our own fortunes, yet we say it's fate. Therefore, it is during your darkest moments that you must focus to see the light. Life is a succession of moments, To live each one is to succeed. The time is always right to do what is right. You can never plan the future by the past.

Lastly, for me and you.
never take someone for granted cos you'll wake up one day & realise you've lost a diamond while collecting stones.

-=-

I'm sorry I can protect you no more. You're on your own now. Its a deep stab into my heart. So deep, that it seems like I can actually feel the pain within me, in heart, mind, body & soul. But I've said what I've got to say. You've done more than enough to hurt me and it could never get any worser than this. If you still don't know what you did wrong and you're angry at me for saying all this, by all means go ahead. Cos' if you think this way, then you need to get to know me better. I want you to lift your pillow up high & sleep on it. Think carefully before you speak. If not, forever hold your peace...

...

Last but not least... I wanna sincerely thank you for caring for me all this while, for being there for me when I needed you, being there for my graduation (which was the most impt day in my life for impt ppl such as my dearest lil one to be there), for walking thru these many years with me, thru' good times & bad.

-=-

Most importantly of all, Thank you, for loving me.